Goals for Fall 2016

At this point, I want to list the things I want from myself so I can look back and see how I did.

  1. Pass Biology with at least a B. Right now, I’m barely making it. I need to study more. My new routine will include copying the powerpoint notes before class, doing study guide questions every weekend, and using Quizlet to understand the concepts more in depth. If my teacher won’t assign homework, I’ll assign it myself.
  2. Pass Differential Equations with an A. In the future, I hope to do a workshop for this class in MESA
  3. Obtain priority registration from work. I really fucking need this holy shit.
  4. Get into Physics 222 and pass with at least a B. please, maizy. please. I need to be able to tutor this in the spring semester so I can improve.
  5. Get my AS-T in Physics. Because why not?
  6. Acquire a driver’s license before Spring 2017 starts.

A Post for my Ex, a Year After

Almost a year ago, I wrote a public, heartfelt letter to who was then my boyfriend, Ryan. I broke up with him in the end of July 2016, and after having a good amount of time to think things through, I wish to write a follow-up on my blog- a collection of thoughts I have.

Although I know he used to read my blog, I do not expect him to read this. And if he does, I hope it will be during a time when he no longer feels attached to me at all. This post is for me, a letter to myself. Continue reading

What’s On My Playlist June 2016

As of April 2016, I have stopped using my iPod regularly because I am now an official member of the 21st century- I own a smartphone. I have been listening to most of my music from YouTube, anyway, so it only makes sense that I just generalize my music playlist posts into “What’s On My Playlist” instead of “What’s On My iPod”.

This month’s playlist is small. I was trying to focus more on passing my classes than listening to music.

  1. What is Love by Exo
  2. Me and the Rhythm by Selena Gomez
  3. Dynamite by VIXX
  4. Back by Infinite
  5. Save Me by BTS
  6. Trap by Henry (from Super Junior-M)

Here is the assembled playlist on YouTube.

Thought Collection of High School

As a 2015 high school grad, I’ve had the opportunity to see school and socializing through a completely new, more mature perspective. I see the spark of new found freedom, hope, and anticipation in 2016 grads that I had a year before.

People find true friends in higher education because they already have something in common. I see so many people choose schools that fit their personality. Of course, we see the incredibly hard working honor students attend schools like the Ivy Leagues, Berkeley, and UCLA. Many of us aren’t surprised when the outgoing, laid back, (and perhaps overly social) students attend UC Santa Barbara. But even students of schools that are not as ubiquitous exemplify the personality of the university or college. Whether it’s the quality of the education, the typical climate of the area, or the concentration of certain majors, there is always a common reason student choose that school. Almost anywhere you go, you’re bound to get a good education, so the most important thing is to find a school that resonates with you.

A year has taught me that I will find what I’ve been looking for: a group of friends where I fit like a glove, new social and political experiences, freedom to choose my schedule, and the ability to sign papers without a parent’s signature. But along with the positive adventures comes obstacles.

As soon as high school ended, my routine changed. My mom started working, I went to work after attending school in the morning, and I completely isolated myself from high school peers that did not mean as much to me. I realized that I had minor depression. Sometimes I would feel sad, and the only reason I could think of was that my environment changed. I noticed the first signs of depression, including serious thoughts of suicide, during my most stressful year of high school, junior year.

I wish I took care of it sooner because it ended up getting worse as the stress of getting good grades and balancing social and school life added up in college. I was so exhausted that when I visited my family in Las Vegas for Christmas, I was sleeping while the rest of my family was having a party downstairs. I had never slept during the socializing hours of family parties, with the exception of one or two parties at my house.

Leading up to and after Christmas, I was faced with many other stresses, including various struggles with my body image (triggered by my family’s nonstop comments on my body), the paralyzing fear of driving (and constant lectures of how “it’s going to be okay, you won’t kill anybody” from everyone, including my boyfriend), the persistent efforts of family to suppress my rebellious public statements, and the suffocating schedule of the history class I took during the entire month of January (I had to read 2 chapters every 4 days, if I remember correctly). Of course, I don’t remember everything that happened because the stress, anxiety, and depression has led to a demise in my memory and concentration.

The point I’m trying to make is that life after high school can be a huge roller coaster of euphoric experiences and  near-death experiences (most likely from my own doing). It’s hella tough and it can feel so debilitating at times, but you’re not alone. You may end up needing a therapist during your first year out of the traditional school schedule you’ve followed for 13 years, or you will rise to the top in some godlike balance of school, sleep, and social life.

I had problems haunting me in high school that I’m struggling to solve now.

But as tough as things have been, not once have I looked back and wished I could be in high school again. And I’ll take the tortures of young adulthood over the oppression of high school teenage years any day.