Paragard Experience

Sharing birth control experiences helps people find which method works for them and eases panic by bringing awareness to potential side effects. So here’s my (unfinished) story of Paragard.

Also, just a warning that this post has to do with sex, and therefore, has sex jokes. Continue reading

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Hair Color Ideas

My hairstylist recently used me as a hair model, so she colored my hair in a color scheme she chose. But I was thinking of different colors I’d like to try out. So below are written descriptions of colors I may do with my hair and dyes I love or want to try.

Dyes

  1. Sparks Electric Blue (Lasts long, affordable, my go-to blue)
  2. NRage Cobalt Blue (Lasts long, affordable, but bleeds like crazy)
  3. Sparks Key Lime (I LOVE neon green)
  4. Pulp Riot Velvet (Reminds me of Crystal Violet)

Dye Combinations to Try

  1. Sparks Key Lime + Electric Blue or Mermaid Blue (Goal: Rich, vivid, jewel tone green- NOT TEAL)
  2. Sparks Electric Blue + Magenta Mania (Goal: Neon purple?)

Looks to Try

  1. Blue, Yellow (University of California)
  2. Neon Green, Neon Purple (makes me think of Playdough)
  3. Light Blue (Mermaid Blue), Neon Purple, Bright Pink (Unicorn/Cotton Candy)
  4. Blue, Orange (Complementary
  5. Blue, Neon Green, Yellow (my ultimate form)

Dyes I Want to Try

  1. Pravana Yellow
  2. Sparks Yellow
  3. Sparks Orange Burst
  4. Pulp Riot Powder
  5. Pulp Riot Nightfall (seems to be a green-based blue)
  6. Pulp Riot Lemon
  7. Manic Panic Blue Moon
  8. Manic Panic Electric Lizard
  9. Arctic Fox Neon Moon
  10. Arctic Fox Iris Green

I’m 20 Now

Being 19 was a wilder ride than 18. During this age, I faced many fears. I’m kinda scared about what’s in store. In fact, this is my last age where I’ll be living at home, and I’ll probably turn 21 right before I leave for university.

I’ve been so busy balancing work (I basically work two jobs, for school and for my dad), school, and accident-related appointments.

If I’m not working, I’m in class. If I’m not in class, I’m at the doctor’s, mental therapist’s, or physical therapist’s. If I’m not at therapy or the doctor’s office, I’m doing homework. I don’t even have time to meet people and get laid.

And as of recently, I’ve been busy trying to get a new class at my school so I can TAG UC Irvine. Without that class, I don’t think I’ll be able to get in, because Biomedical Engineering: Pre-Medical is their most popular engineering major. Even if I tagged UCI as a chemistry major, there’s a slim chance of appealing to BMEPM.

I didn’t get a chance to go out with my friends this year, although it’s only been a couple days and we’ll probably go out next weekend, hopefully. But when I can rest during the summer, knowing I’m transferring to a good school, it will be worth it.

Suicidal thoughts are coming back, although they’re not as antagonizing as the first half of 2016. It’s more like “I have so much shit to do, and if I die right now I don’t need to worry about it and the universe won’t exist without me anyway”.

but then like i don’t wanna die without getting dicked down one more time. is that slutty of me to say? yeah? good. I haven’t been fucked since may 2016. i deserve it.

And if I die, my parents won’t get compensation. Anyway, at this point I’m not too suicidal. Probably would help if I continued taking my meds, but I’m too lazy.

For now, I’ll just have to try to balance my life. I’m getting my hair done again soon, and I love existing when I have a full head of blue and green.

So let’s get some goals out of the way. Hoping to complete all these before the year ends.

  1. Complete the semester with straight As
  2. Make sure I’ll be taking a C-ID ENGR 220 course in Winter or Spring before I transfer
  3. TAG UCI for BMEPM
  4. Get some action
  5. Try VINIQ
  6. Apply to UCI, USC, UCLA, among others

You Loved Brad

I haven’t been able to write about my trip to Israel recently because I was a victim in a high speed car accident on the freeway. I was driving home from UC Irvine (hopefully my future home) when I came to a hard stop behind a car. I breathed a sigh of relief that was followed by a loud crash and force behind me. A 7/11 truck hit me at nearly full speed in the fast lane of the freeway, totaling my 2002 Acura RL/Honda Legend. The collision has pulled me into many states of panic, depression, anxiety, pain, nostalgia, and euphoria. So I’d like to dedicate this to my old friend, the Blacura. Continue reading

Israel Part 1: Taglit

Note: I understand that this blog post is shared to friends and family, but the content is not typically something I would share at Thanksgiving dinner. The following blog post contains profanity and adult themes. This is my informal take on the trip, and the views are not those of Israel Free Spirit, Taglit-Birthright Israel, or any other organization or person. The purpose of this post, and future blog posts relating to my time in Israel, is only to record my memories and serve as a guide of expectations for others who come across this post (which I don’t expect to be many). Also, I’m kind of an ass and didn’t ask anyone for permission to post their pictures or opinions, but I’m willing to edit if anyone wants to be retracted. Continue reading

I Got My Driver’s License

Dear Fall 2016 me, College Freshman me, High School Upperclassman me, and 10 year old me,

Remember when your older brother told you to look at dad and say “Dad, in 6 years I will be driving” even though you didn’t believe it? You were right, you wouldn’t be driving in 6 years.

Remember when you were 16 and everyone around you was growing up, getting cars, racing each other, and dipping their toes into independence? You knew you were a shy, scared teenager. You didn’t need to drive, but you couldn’t understand why the world expected you to do so. How could you see yourself ever behind a wheel?

Remember when you were a freshman in college and you had the freedom of choice but were still bound by the chains of transportation? You could take the bus, but time, schedules, and flat feet limited your options. Kids in high school were getting their license, having the freedom of driving, but you weren’t ready. And not to mention you knew access to a car mixed with your suicidal thoughts were a bad concoction. The freedom to go anywhere you like would also give you the freedom to kill yourself in an instant.

Remember when you got your second permit and were scared, but with the help of driving lessons and Prozac, you gained confidence and the courage to drive? You hated driving. Every time you sat in the seat, you felt the risk of hitting cars and other objects, the possibility of crashing, and the fear of losing control. You could barely change lanes without breathing heavily. Driving anywhere besides school and home felt life threatening.

We did it. We passed on the first try. Mom was so afraid you’d never be able to drive, but you proved her and yourself wrong. You only made 3 errors, one of which was something Mom nagged you about (not creeping forward enough at a stop sign). A week later (yesterday), you got your license in the mail, and you got to see yourself, with your freshly dyed, bright blue and green hair, scared of the unknown driving future that was ahead of you.

But you did it. And now you drive yourself to school, work, stores, and study sessions at Starbucks. You can be with your friends now. You can drive your little brother everywhere.

And to my future driving self, I hope the courage to drive the freeway by yourself comes soon, and the confidence to drive to far away places like Vegas and Little Saigon come sooner.

Welcome to adulthood.