Thankful Journal #1

With quarantine and all, I’ve been sad about what I’m missing during my truncated time at UCI, and most of all, how my senior year won’t go as expected. I look at my pictures from my first year at UCI, and I regret focusing on what I didn’t have. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake, so I will write about the things in my life I’m thankful for. This will be structured in a letter to myself format.

Today, I am thankful for the fact I attended school. I had a couple of classes today, and I attended both of them. It was a bit tough, but I’m so glad I’m getting a second chance to bring up that D+ I got in 120 last year. I spent a bit of time with Cindy and Hannah in a Discord study session, and I got to solidify my understanding of BCI. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s getting there. I look forward to the future study sessions I’ll have with them, especially Hannah, because we’re a dynamic duo.

I’m thankful for my interactions in the Panhellenic delegate meeting today. Normally, I feel out of place within Panhellenic because I went through recruitment, declined my bid, harbored some ill feelings toward the entire process, and joined an associate chapter. But today I felt like I am part of a welcoming community where I am a productive and appreciated piece. I hope I will continue to feel comfortable with them and improve my relationship with other women in this community, for my own sake and for my chapter. During the meeting, we were all asked to discuss what we did over summer. I said that I felt I did more than Phineas and Ferb, and that I took a class over Session I. Callan commented that I also built a “sick ass” computer (or was it “kick ass”?) and Madeline noted that I’ve had a lot of helpful things to say around Facebook (which is, of course, my specialty around UCI). I started laughing others commented about gaming and how cool they thought my computer is. I am welcomed as I am, and I don’t have to fake anything. I appreciate the community for being supportive.

I’m thankful for Triangle (the active brothers). I feel like I belong when I interact with them on Discord and they invite me to join. I am thankful that they make fun of me (laughing with me) and include me in inside jokes. I am so thankful that my sister Sam introduced me to them and Adam always reacts to my silly messages, no matter how unfunny they might be.

I am thankful I have a friend like Sam, who I can be close to and share my deepest thoughts. We are like-minded people who always have different perspectives to bounce off each other. Throughout my life, I’ve had many friends I’ve been close to, whose friendships only lasted a year until they left. I am thankful that Sam is one of these people.

I’m so happy that for my first year at UCI, I had my friend Kim who eventually introduced me to the sorority I would later join. She and I were one of the most iconic best friends at UCI, and as #1 fan Tommy likes to put it, she is HOT. Kim and I would go on all sorts of adventures to different parties, walking through the Del Taco drive-thru, complaining when they didn’t take our order, and enjoying the various activities in our neighborhood.

I’m so happy that for my second year, I had Spener as my partner in crime and roommate. I’m so sad he moved away to live with his fiance, but I am happy he found her. Like Kim, he and I got up to mischief. We were also close during my first year, and we would sometimes do things with Kim.

I am so happy I had the opportunity to make those memories during my first year. And as much as I would like to change some of the things I did, I know I would not have had the same life and met the same people today, and probably not have joined the same sorority, if I did things differently.

I know I’ve lost multiple groups of friends throughout these past 3 years, but I’ve had many more friends who stuck around and stand by me and many more “fans” (it seems weird calling them that but I don’t know what else to call them) who appreciate me for standing up for what I believe in and saying the tough thing to say. I’ve gone through so much pain, heartbreak, and disappointment, but I’m glad I’ve built myself a better person through it.

I’m even thankful I failed and retook some of my classes. If I didn’t retake 130, I would’ve never met Hannah. I’m sure there will be people I will meet in 120 this year.

And now, I’m going to enjoy and be thankful for quarantine learning because I get to spend my last year living with my family, not having to physically commute to class, and play video games whenever I want on my new, self-built computer.

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