Throwback: Bucket List de Maizy #2

Found some of the older entries in my private Tumblog. Let’s get started.

Bucket List #2: If I’m still single by the end of the year, I want to go to prom with one of the upper classmen. This year. That way, I have 3 proms I can go to. Then again, if I wouldn’t be comfortable with them, I don’t know if I’d go with them.

And I wouldn’t go with them just because I want a third prom. I just think it would be nice to go to a party, right?

In addition, I hope I have a male date to every prom I go to, so I have someone to dance with.

ok so I only went to one prom, and it was my own prom. At least I went with my then-boyfriend. I didn’t have a prom night though. I was too tired to fuck.

Bucket List #4: You know how you fall in love with someone because they are a certain way? Because they’re caring? They’re adorable? They’re affectionate? They have that spark? Their kisses are indescribable?

Well, unfortunately, the person who is like that is gone.

They’re replaced by some douchebag who doesn’t acknowledge my existence other than the fact we text.

I want to find that guy again, whether he’s in the same body or not. 

People tell me I’m so much like my Bubby (grandmother). But I don’t want to be everything like her.

I want to be an engineer, not a bookkeeper.

And she died alone as a Miss Independent, divorced for so long. I want someone waiting for me on the other side.

hehe uh

I wrote a lot about my first ex back in 9th grade. I didn’t know about getting played or used or abusive relationships. He was on my mind. A lot. Fortunately, I don’t care anymore about him or my second ex. I guess I placed a lot of value on him because, when he was good and not abusive, it was a unique feeling I had not experienced before. I was addicted to it, and I was desperate, continuously seeking it. He will come up again in later Bucket Lists.

Top 2 cringeworthy topics I wrote about in my private Tumblog
1. Internal misogyny
2. “I love”d my second ex

That being said, the struggle to feel whole, wanted, and loved is still real today. It’s a constant battle with ups and downs. Right now, that hole is filled with Undertale. I love the music and the lore, goddamn.

Bucket List #6: I have a severe addiction to the internet. I conquered it last year, after falling hard for someone. That’s extremely cheesy right there, but it’s the truth.

However, I relapsed. Now, if I don’t shape up, my grades will go down again. I got lucky last semester and passed with a 4.0 out of 4.3 GPA, but sophomore year will kick my ass if I don’t straighten up. I got offered AP Physics, and that class will be hard.

I want to defeat my addiction, once and for all, go on the internet when I have time, and focus on school.

After I conquer my problem, I want to make an It Gets Better video, because I’m sure there are other people like me.

PS- I made an It Gets Better video for noobs.

I guess you could say I conquered it, although sitting in all day, procrastinating on Materials homework, and writing reviews on my old journal doesn’t sound like I’m avoiding the internet. I blame c-oWo-navirus. I’m happy to say I got a good GPA (for an engineering student) in community college, but goddamn have I relapsed in the dismal GPA department at UCI.
For the first time in my life, I have failed classes. I have 3 classes I need to retake (1 of which I’m doing right now). God, I’m stupid. And how did I let it get this far? It’s a sweet concoction of depression, social life/extracurriculars, and procrastination. Here’s to hoping I conquer it again and get off academic probation this quarter.
Too bad I have to kiss my dreams of medical school goodbye.
So back to high school, I ended up taking AP Physics my junior year (pretty sure I received Bs in both semesters), and now I’m friends with that teacher on Facebook.
I have no desire to make another “It Gets Better” video.

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