When I was 14, I started making a bucket list of things I wanted to happen, so I’d like to reflect on them now, as a 22 year old.
I think back to how much I wanted freedom as a teenager. I was too scared to drive, and my only way out of the house was with my then-boyfriend (and even so, my mom bitched about it…) Reading these reminds me how I wanted to get out and do things and how much internal misogyny I had. I’m glad to say that I have significantly more freedom and significantly less internal misogyny today.
Bucket List #1: When I’m older, I want to get a bunch of friends, get in a car, and drive to Hollywood. The only thing we’d be doing is exploring the wonders of Hollywood and the rest of LA that surrounds it. It would be late at night, and we would stare at the bright lights.
I’m happy to say I completed this last year when my friends and I went to Hollywood for a “rave”, then we got bored (it was a shitty rave) and walked around town for a bit. As for the rest of LA, I’ve definitely explored much of it in GTA V (perhaps too much of it…), but I’ve had to opportunity to drive around LA for my summer job last year during the day time.
Actually, I went clubbing in Hollywood back in 2018, too, with some friends from college, and we explored a little bit there, too.
Bucket List #3: I want to go to the beach, a pool party, or Hurricane Harbor with a handful of friends.
I’m planning to this summer, with Jono, Alex I, Connor, and a few other guys from the “Disneyland Group”. Unfortunately, only two of them know so far.
I don’t think my parents will let me unless a girl goes, and everyone from the Disneyland group is a guy (except me, of course). Then again, shouldn’t I be worried? I’m a girl. Surrounded by guys. I’ll be in a bikini.
Eh, screw it. The more girls there are means the more we have to reschedule because some bitch got her period.
alright so this is definitely me pre-feminism with internal misogyny at its highest and questioning sexuality and whether or not boys can respect a woman in a bikini.
I planned a day at the beach with friends from college, and I got a headache from being sunsick, dehydrated, and drinking too much. I believe this took place during spring break 2017. And then there was the Cuck Fancer dayger last spring in 2019 (RIP Spring Quarter 2020) where I was on an edible, got cotton mouth in the middle of playing catch with a football (also, it was when it hit), and cried my eyes out because a boy was internally bothering me. I was in the beach house bathroom with 3 of my friends (all women, so fuck you, little Maizy) where I had Kim call my dad. The conversation went something like this:
“Maizy, just lay down, relax, and listen to some music to enjoy the high.”
“BUT DAD! *sniffle sniffle* I’M AT A FRAT PARTY. THERE IS NO GOOD MUSIC.”
Then I took a piss in the toilet in front of all 3 of them. And that’s how I met Shannon, Lindsey’s little. Later, one of my friends banged Kim, so that’s on the list of times I’ve hooked her up.
I’m pretty sure I went to a pool party my sophomore year in high school.
The “Disneyland group” in question, I no longer associate with, and probably for the best.
Also, young Maizy, tampons. Tampons. And when you get a heavy flow from your Paragard, 5 years later, you’ll decide it’s just best not to go in the water at all.
Bucket List #5: Before you read this, you need to know something.
1. I’m not writing this for attention. This is my bucket list, I reserve the right to freedom of speech. (AMERICAAAAAAAAAAA)
2. I only recommend reading this if you honestly care. If not, please keep on scrolling, because I don’t want to waste your time.
3. I won’t know if you read this, so if you want to do something, do it out of the goodness of your heart. Don’t feel obligated to do anything.
One day, I just want to find my place in a group of girls. I want to feel like I belong, and if I fuck up, I can be forgiven.
This would be a lot like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I’d be Tibby.
But I would greatly appreciate it when my girl friends realize that I need my space, too, whether it be I’m with other friends, I’m doing homework, or I just want to be alone.
Jennifer’s one of the few people who have ever made me feel like I belong, and that I’m not just an extra person. It’s all the little things that she does that make me feel extremely happy.
Along with this, I wish I was invited to parties. I know, I had a Bat Mitzvah, but come on. I didn’t know a lot of people then. But there are people I know who have parties, sleepovers to Quinceaneras, and the whole school is going, but I’m not. For sleepover parties, my parents would have to know my friend’s parents.
Does joining a sorority count as finding my place in a group of women? Although, I guess I’d be lying if I said I felt I perfectly fit in. But I have my crew of women outside of my srat. I don’t think I really have a group of women, I just have a bunch of friends of different genders, and that’s fine with me. See above for group of women, though.
As far as parties go, I’ve had different waves of being invited and not. I definitely was too much of a goody two shoes to get invited anywhere in high school, but I probably would’ve gotten drunk earlier in my life if I went to a party.
Which reminds me. I most likely would’ve gone to a high school party with my ex, who was a total bore at parties. Don’t get me started on how he told me “They’re not your friends. -His best friend- and I? We’re your friends. We care about you.” when I expressed how out of touch I felt at those college parties.
Truth was, I enjoy parties, whether I’m sober, drunk, or somewhere in the middle. I was just too shackled to know it. So it’s probably a blessing in disguise, for multiple reasons, that I didn’t start going to parties until college (and the constant influx of invites once I transferred…) What I’ve learned, though, is that there’s a time and place to drink. And aside from that, I don’t want to keep partying with the same people every. single. week. Look, my NJBs, well, the NJBs are good dudes. But it gets tiring once I get ignored because they’re trying to find girls.
And sleepovers? I finally had my first “friend sleepover” in 2016 with my friend Byron. I’m sure I’ve had sleepovers at other people’s places, platonically, but I think most of the sleepovers I’ve had were at boys’ places for knowing them in the biblical sense. But honestly, I just miss my bed in my apartment right now.