Being a Demiwoman

What I Do

The few demigirls and demiwomen I have met tend to feel a mix of girl and agender, so they use they/them pronouns. I do not absolutely relate to those demiwomen because my mix is between girl and boy without agender. Therefore, my pronouns are she/her and nothing else. (Incidentally, I try to use they/them pronouns for people in general when I do not know them. I am not familiar with proper gender etiquette, and I fear I may insult someone by calling them “they/them”.)

My sexuality is heteroromatic and heterosexual; I do not believe my gender affects my sexuality at all.

I may walk a certain way depending on how feminine or masculine I feel. My mother has commented on this. My voice may change, too, but I have not paid close attention to this.

What I Wear

In high school, I fancied Hollister for their fitted form clothes, opposed to the popular boho style that is super flouncy. While I enjoyed various dresses, skirts, spaghetti straps, and blouses with embroidery, it did not feel as ” feminine” as boho felt to me. One of my favorite articles of clothing is my blue hoodie, and the next favorite is my blue polo that gets me mistaken for a Walmart employee. Unfortunately, Hollister & Abercrombie have hopped onto the boho wagon, so I no longer buy from them.

I’m usually late to some clothing trends. I have a small fear of being “basic”, but I am not sure if it is because of sexism or my body’s natural gender expression. Clothes that appeal to me the most are Bebe’s club style, Foreign Exchange’s faux leather hoodies (moreso men’s), and sneakers. Wearing heels or wedges feels uncomfortable on multiple levels. The sight of my elongated legs rewards me with an uncomfortable body image, along with painful feet and lack of balance. This takes away a lot of potential outfits because modern feminine fashion is based on heels. Sporty style speaks to me because of its lack of heels and incorporation of sneakers.

If I were to design a clothing line, it would include numerous sneakers (with good support) that are comparable to Adidas and Nike styles, hoodies that are longer than waist-length (preferably mid thigh), non-itchy beanies in vivid colors, sweatpants that are lightly baggy (not 90s style, just a little baggier than skinny sweatpants) with BIG POCKETS, jeans with BIG POCKETS that are not high-waist but cover my asscrack in skinny, straight, and boot cut, and neoprene dresses. Most importantly, I like articles of clothing that stand out. Colors must be vivid and bright and the design must speak to me. A great example of this is my peacock dress which features an intricate applique and bright teal.

Most recently, I have been in the market for a pair of men’s jeans, but not because I want to express my gender through them- I want pockets that can hold my phone. I don’t like the way I look in baggy jeans, and I’d much rather prefer a pair of straight leg in feminine cut.

How I Feel About my Body

Because I am a DFAB (determined female at birth) demiwoman, I feel that my body is suited for who I am. I would not undergo surgery for any gender reason. As far as breasts are concerned, I do not wear a binder because I am very happy with them. Sometimes, I wear a push up bra.

Regarding hair, I have donned short hair (ear length) and I felt miserable about it. I would not return to short hair. My hair is currently longer than shoulder length (goes to my armpits) and half of it is blue; I take pride in my hair because it is my favorite part of me.

I wear makeup, although not often, even when I feel more masculine. My preferred casual look is primer, powder foundation, bronzer and blush (no drastic contouring), some lip color, mascara (blue or black), and eyeshadow. Eyeshadow usually consists of a highlighted brow bone and either a nude look (incorporating a gold color like Half-Baked by Urban Decay) or a blue look (using the Wet N Wild Maldives Sky palette, which is my favorite look when done well).

Dysphoria

I do not think I experience dysphoria, at least on a drastic level. After a discussion with my fellow demiwoman, Xin, we agree that we do not feel like we belong in girl/woman designated spaces, despite the similarities we may have with women. When I am in this situation, I feel out of place and upset.

Overall, I probably look like a stereotypical woman and act like one, too. I am fine if people say I am a woman, just as long as they know I am a DEMIwoman.

EDIT: Publishing because it’s been in the drafts vault for too long. I may or may not feel the same way anymore, plus I’m pretty quiet about my gender because I’m cis-passing and I’m not very open about it due to shame.

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