I’m 20 Now

Being 19 was a wilder ride than 18. During this age, I faced many fears. I’m kinda scared about what’s in store. In fact, this is my last age where I’ll be living at home, and I’ll probably turn 21 right before I leave for university.

I’ve been so busy balancing work (I basically work two jobs, for school and for my dad), school, and accident-related appointments.

If I’m not working, I’m in class. If I’m not in class, I’m at the doctor’s, mental therapist’s, or physical therapist’s. If I’m not at therapy or the doctor’s office, I’m doing homework. I don’t even have time to meet cute boys.

And as of recently, I’ve been busy trying to get a new class at my school so I can TAG UC Irvine. Without that class, I don’t think I’ll be able to get in, because Biomedical Engineering: Pre-Medical is their most popular engineering major. Even if I tagged UCI as a chemistry major, there’s a slim chance of appealing to BMEPM.

I didn’t get a chance to go out with my friends this year, although it’s only been a couple days and we’ll probably go out next weekend, hopefully. But when I can rest during the summer, knowing I’m transferring to a good school, it will be worth it.

Suicidal thoughts are coming back, although they’re not as antagonizing as the first half of 2016. It’s more like “I have so much shit to do, and if I die right now I don’t need to worry about it and the universe won’t exist without me anyway”.

And if I die, my parents won’t get compensation. Anyway, at this point I’m not too suicidal. Probably would help if I continued taking my meds, but I’m too lazy.

For now, I’ll just have to try to balance my life. I’m getting my hair done again soon, and I love existing when I have a full head of blue and green.

So let’s get some goals out of the way. Hoping to complete all these before the year ends.

  1. Complete the semester with straight As
  2. Make sure I’ll be taking a C-ID ENGR 220 course in Winter or Spring before I transfer
  3. TAG UCI for BMEPM
  4. Get some action
  5. Try VINIQ
  6. Apply to UCI, USC, UCLA, among others

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