I’m Sorry

This is a post I wrote during the first half of 2016, pre-Prozac. I want to post it to give an insight to my brain when my depression and anxiety were high.

Forgive me for the little mistakes I make. I’m not used to this. I am unfamiliar with the protocol, and I didn’t practice this enough.

I’m sorry I misunderstood your satire. I was only a young teen who couldn’t pick up the sarcasm through the screen. I’m sorry my error caused your large following on Tumblr to attack me and pick at me for my misunderstanding and lack of sex life.

I’m sorry that I let the battery in the car my uncle gave me die. Even though I’m 18, I’m still not driving. My dangerous anxiety precedes me, and my depression gets the best of me before I can even begin to think of other reasons why I fear bring behind the wheel. I’m sorry my paralyzing fears mean you will be driving me around for another year.

I’m sorry I have so many doctor appointments. It’s hard to manage when I suffer from IBS, depression, anxiety, and stress. I know it means you have to take off work for a bit so you can drive me to my appointments. I’m sorry that I am so sick.

I’m sorry I don’t pay attention in class. I get hooked on social media and I know it is my fault. But sometimes I get this way because I can’t concentrate. My mind is battling everything that I did wrong. I’m clinging onto everything I have so I don’t start a scene in your class. I’m sorry I don’t have control over my mind anymore.

I’m sorry I sleep in so much. I get very tired. I stay up because I’m attached to my phone- trying to look for something to bring happiness. It’s the late nights that I wonder why I’m still alive and that I haven’t done the deed yet. I’m sorry I’m so dependent on other people.

I’m sorry I tried to defend myself and my fellow women. You were a danger to my body and my family. You proved yourself to be abusive by coercion and violation. I’m sorry I told people you wanted to rape me because of things you already did.

I’m sorry to everyone I ignore.

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