The Battle With Internal Misogyny & Discovering my Gender

From a young age, I knew I was not like other girls. I did not feel like them, nor did I want to be like them. I dealt with internal misogyny, which may continue to affect my gender expression. This is my story of how I perceived women and girls while perceiving my own gender.

Before I continue, let me clarify that clothes do not determine gender, but in this gendered world, fashion is an outlet for gender expression.
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A Post for my Boyfriend

I love my boyfriend, Ryan, so much. He means so much to me. He is political, he speaks for the oppressed, and he knows how to have a good time. Also, he’s great in bed. I’ve been through so much with Ryan. He comforts me when I am depressed, understands me when I have family problems, and protects me from nearby harm.

When I realized I am a demiwoman, he said he always knew and he supported me. When I confided to him my biggest fear, he was willing to assist me so I could continue to enjoy myself. When I told him all of the terrible things that various boys have done to me, he never said “not all men” and he understood me.

Ryan and I were friends before we became a couple, and I even turned him down once. He never made me feel like I owed him anything, and he never pulled the “nice guy” card. He exemplifies what a decent human being should be, but in this culture, it’s something I highly praise. 

Ryan does have some things I don’t like, such as a dislike of rollercoasters (so he can’t be my ride buddy), but I feel his good qualities outweigh the bad.

Maybe one day, soon, he and I can move in together in a small apartment filled with Ikea furniture and Daiso toiletries.