On Halloween, I went Trick-or-Treating (TOT) with my brother and no one else, and I began to question if I had friends or not. I was hurt that the group of which I thought I belonged did not have room for me in their group. After being consoled by my boyfriend, mother, and (one of my) best friend, I realized that I do have friends that appreciate me in all sorts of different ways.
I do not have many friends that would go out of their way for me because I rarely do that for anyone. Perhaps I am bad at that, but I have other things to do during school. I spend my lunch time in class doing homework, typically for AP Chemistry, which is why I have over 100% in the class currently. Additionally, I display excellence in my classes. Often, I encounter people who seem to only want to pick my brain for assignments then completely ignore me outside of class. There is never any conversation other than “how do you get the derivative of x*ln(x)?” It hurts, but fortunately, they do not comprise my list of friends.
If I did not have friends, close or just friendly, they wouldn’t be attending my brother’s Bar Mitzvah, waving to me, asking me how my day is, waiting for me to walk with them to class, saving seats for me, sitting next to me in class, admiring my hard work, pushing me to go to improv try outs, encouraging me to go paintballing with them, or messaging me when they want to talk to someone. This is not even one group of people. It’s a bunch of people from all different classes, backgrounds, and groups of their own. I do not have a fixed group of people where I am considered a true part. It is not that I do not want that, for I actually do. I just cannot put out the effort without sacrificing graduating in white (with an accumulative 4.0).
So thank you (edited to preserve privacy): EmiBu, TawLe, DanGo, CecKa, BriNo, JesSc, ShaKa, PriGo, CalMc, BriVi, JacBu, DraCa, Ren, Reb, BraBo, GeoRa, ShuSa, AliPe, Jea, CamMi, AllMi, Fra, BenIk, CheWh, EvaFo, RyaFo, AreSa, my boyfriend, and my chem teachers who I constantly bug every brunch and lunch.