Thank You, Dimension 4550

Dear Dimension 4550,

Thank you for providing me the means to splurge multiple profanities with purpose. I have gone through multiple trials of fixing you up.

1. Before restarting your entire system, you were the slowest computer I ever encountered. My Compaq with an Intel Atom is faster than your Pentium piece of shit.

2. It took me a bazillion times until my own dad successfully made you boot from CD. I even went through setup myself.

3. After the CD boot up, you gave me the BSOD with “STOP: c0000221 unknown Hard Error \SystemRoot\System32\ntdll.dll”. What the hell?

4. I switched disks (instead of using the XP SP2, I used XP SP1) and you finally loaded that into your system.

5. FINALLY AFTER HOURS OF TRYING TO FIX YOU UP YOU SUCCESSFULLY INSTALLED A NEW COPY OF XP INTO YOUR SYSTEM.

6. But you were missing drivers so I had to look through lots of drivers on the driver CD just to figure out which ones filled your gaps. Don’t get me started on how hard it was to install the Ethernet Controller and find the Network Controller (which was on another disk not issued by Dell).

7. I was ready to connect to the internet. You are such an old computer (XP Service Pack 1, for God’s sakes) that you insisted on using a WEP network code. The router uses WPA2. WELL SHOOT.

8. To install updates (and SP3), I took your heavy ass downstairs and plugged you into equipment in the office room. You booted up when the mouse and keyboard were not connected to you, but the reboot was the death of you.

9. WHEN I REBOOTED YOUR SORRY ASS YOU GAVE ME A BSOD.

10. WHEN I REBOOTED AGAIN YOU DID NOT GET PAST THE BOOT UP SELECTION SCREEN, SO I COULD NOT ACCESS SAFE MODE, THE LAST CONFIGURATION, OR A NORMAL BOOT UP.

11. So here I am trying to reload Windows, and I have to edit the BIOS setup, again.

12. Here comes the c0000221 error again.

13. Alright, changing the disk to SP1 again.

14. Great, the keyboard doesn’t even work. Keys are broken. I don’t even know how to use the recovery console.

15. You say the partition (of which XP is current installed) is either “too full, damaged, not formatted, or formatted with an incomplete file system”. I’m going to go with damaged. Thank you for the announcement. Let’s format this mother.

Alright, after a load of problems, I finally got this computer working with all of its drivers, but I have yet to download XP SP3. I hope this is not some vicious cycle.

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